People know that business success depends on ‘best practices’, the buzzword among businesses for a model code of conduct that consistently produces desired results. Another fact is that the way the human brain works, people pay more immediate attention to negative experiences. This is called ‘negativity bias’ and it is because our perceptions are more intimately tied into our “fight or flight” instinct than to the attention we pay to positive stimulus. So, I’ve decided to include a ‘Worst Practices’ category for this blog as a way of including the occasional post that serves to capitalize on the importance we place on negative comments and headlines. This is my first post to go in the ‘Worst Practices’ category.
How NOT To Succeed At Making Money Online
I just thought I’d share some simple advice with you about how to really fail at making money online. Sound exciting? Well, good… because it is! In following my advice listed below, you’ll be sure to fail… I promise.
10. Be Lazy
One of the great things about making money online is that it gives you the opportunity to make your own schedule, so if you don’t want to succeed at it… set aside some time to work for a few hours each day… and DON’T! Be lazy! Lounge around and only think about what it takes to succeed at making money online. After all, what if putting an idea or a plan to the test fails? Better not to learn by way of mistakes than to see what really does and doesn’t work for you. There is truly no better way to fail than to merely think about what it takes to begin a successful endeavor and then not put that plan or idea into action. Progress is most easily and effectively brought to a standstill by way of laziness. So, make sure that once you have a plan or idea… set it aside and just wait! Action? Pffft! “Doing” is for those who actually want to succeed!
- One suggestion I always share is to make sure the chair you sit in while “working” is as comfortable as possible… forget productive posture… a recliner is ideal, as you can put your feet up and really lay back… hey, you might not even be able to reach your keyboard… perfect!
- Another suggestion: while you are heading toward your recliner chair, be sure to grab a beer and the remote… just in case you feel like taking a break after a few minutes… which leads us to our next tip!
9. Be Distracted
If being lazy doesn’t work to keep you from succeeding making money online… by all means find a distraction, in fact, the more the better! Distractions are great for when laziness alone doesn’t keep you from not succeeding… when you have the energy to make the most of your time and to actually make that pesky progress that would increase the quality of your life. Self discipline? Get real! Who do you think we are… entrepreneurs or something?
Here are a few suggestions to make sure you are as distracted as possible:
- Make sure your workplace is very near to others; this is especially effective if you have a spouse and children. Chatter in the next room? Awesome! Children wanting to play or be taken to McDonald’s? Perfect! The more the merrier! Make sure that everybody else in your house also understands that while you are “working”, they are to have complete disregard for any notion as absurd as only contacting you or talking to you only in an emergency.
- Go ahead and keep a window on your computer open to your favorite online game or some other complete waste of time… there is no better time to get wrapped up in what’s trending now on Yahoo than during the time you have set aside for yourself to make money online!
- Mix your making money online activity with, say… eating snacks or listening to Pandora in the background… remember that it is the little things (remember the more the better) that can truly keep you distracted enough to not succeed over the long term or at all.
8. Don’t Have A Mission Statement or Business Plan
Having no mission statement or business plan, no matter how simple, is an excellent approach to not being able to keep your online money making goals consistently on track and in focus with your inspiration. After all… mission statements and business plans may need occasional revision… proof positive that it is better not to have them at all!
7. Hate What You Do
That’s right! Make sure that the topics you have an interest in developing your niche sites about are as alien and uninteresting to you as you can. For example, if you love sports and hate politics… well, focus on sharing what you know about politics… this will surely drive any would-be readers interested in politics away from your site, and we all know that traffic = profits, so be as boring, dull, dispassionate, and as downright insulting about your topics as you can. This is one of the most important tips I can give you… if you truly want to not succeed… then it is never a good idea to enjoy your work.
6. Make Customers of Your Friends and Family
Yes… go ahead and take advantage of the idea of turning your personal relationships into your first few customers… and ask them to sell your work for you by referring all their friends and family too! I mean come on, what are friends and family for… if not for biasedly vouching for your online integrity, right?
5. Don’t Advertise
This is huge! Whatever you do… DO NOT learn about SEO (search engine optimization) which is basically free advertising… and don’t use your social media sites to talk about new posts you have written. The less that is said here the better… oh, and backlinking? Forget it… just forget it!
4. Use a FREE theme for your WordPress blog
In making sure you don’t succeed at making money online, a great bit of advice is to try and save a few bucks by using one of the many free WP themes out there… they have limited support… oh, and the bugs each time a new “update” is issued are enough to keep you in headaches all week! Don’t make the investment in a well-known premium theme such as StudioPress’ Genesis, the theme this blog uses… or DIY Themes’ Thesis… people who actually succeed at making money use them and say they are the very best… all the more reason to not use them!
3. Don’t Be You
You heard me… let your writing style come across as… well, something as less than genuinely YOU as possible. This will surely prevent people from finding YOU interesting and wanting to get to know you better. Do you have a sense of humor? Hide it! Do you sometimes like to use sarcasm in illustrating a point? God forbid! You get the point… and the less consistent you can be with any degree of YOU that does slip into your writing, the better… we’re here to learn how to NOT succeed right? So, be a fake!
2. Write Out Of Your Ass
That’s right… write out of your bleeming ass! This tip is a great compliment to “#7 Hate What You Do” and “#3 Don’t Be You”… and together they make a killer triple threat to any money making online endeavor. The less informative and unique your content is, the more poorly your sites will rank on Google search, and the less traffic they will receive. This is literally a sure-fire way to increase your chances of failure to above 90%. Remember, the less informative and unique content you have = the greater your chances of not making money online.
This is the absolute #1 way to make totally certain that you will not succeed at making money online, no matter what. Isn’t it exciting!?! Be intimidated by the chance of making mistakes, and if that is not enough to keep you from trying… after you make even one mistake… tell yourself you have no chance at success and just give up! After all… who said that after all the uphill push that there is a point at which the ball will roll on its own? Only those who succeed believe that!
Isn’t this list great? Go ahead and make sure all your friends and family read it too so they will share in the benefit of knowing how NOT to succeed at making money online… or at much of anything for that matter. Have a nice day!
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